How to Love a Black Woman
Side Note: Originally I was going to name this post, “We Don’t Talk Anymore,” but the above subject line was so much more interesting to me. I told myself if I re-posted this, I’ll go with the latter title, but for now, I’m getting a kick out of this title.
On LABW I spend a lot of time speaking about verbal stimulation. Women love to talk. Most men to know this, but what we love more …(and when I say we, I mean mostly myself)… is we love feedback.
This came in my box this weekend:
Hey Sylvia, love your blog and love your tips the most. Gotta question and don’t know for sure how to go about solving a dilemma. My wife said we don’t talk anymore like we used to. I disagree. (Not out loud to her.) I try to make an effort to hear about her day and share my day. We get into great discussions about our lives away from each other, which I don’t mind. I think we talk alot and communicate a lot about what bothers us. We’ve been married for five years, and I think I know my wife pretty well, but I’m not sure what she is saying when she’s saying we don’t talk alot. Hubsband Outta ATL
Immediately, I peeped what the wife was saying. Now before I explain what the wife meant about “We Don’t Talk anymore like we used to,” I should warn mean that most women (and by that I mean more of me than anything) have a tendency to be evasive when we are trying to get to the point. we understand when presenting a problem to you, we should be direct, short and sweet. But in those instructions, it never says clearly and that’s where we get confused. We’re used to long drawn out explainations to present our problems. Being short and sweet is not our best forte. (and by we, I really mean me.)
Now to explain this (or interpret) “We don’t talk like we used to.”
This means we are not having those deep psychological meaningful discussions anymore. Now we’re engaging in small talk and that’s not what stimulates us the most. I mean the small talks gives up happy mental twitches and even if the conversation is sexual, we might even get a higher rise. Yet, we want that deep passionate discussions about philosophy or education or religion and so forth. The ones that make our panties wet as we talk about how to find out the meaning of life or understand what E=MC2 really means.
A recent study published in Psychological Science says that people are happier when they spend more time discussing meaningful topics than engaging in small talk. Seventy-nine college students had their conversations recorded and analyzed by researchers, who distinguished between chit-chat about the food or the weather and discussions about philosophy, education, or religion. Subjects who reported the greatest amount of satisfaction spent only 10 percent of their conversation on small talk, while the unhappiest subjects kept 28.3 percent of their talking time in the shallow end.
Now I’m not going to try to ask you to remember what you used to talk about.
For some that may have been so long ago, you would much rather pluck out your eye.
Instead, I’m going to give you five suggestions to get yourself started.